There is no spoon!!

There is no spoon! from Matrix scene

Ok, I have to admit it…starting with a title like this to describe my encounter with Asian meals could seem extremely wrong….

In fact, a Westerner having his first meal in Asia will for sure have to face the shock of using spoon instead than knife, which is basically impossible to be obtained in even the best of the restaurants. This would not be either too bad if you are imagining that all the meals are based on rice…but what for sure you are not imagining now is what comes together with the rice…A wonderful, yummy gravy enriching a majestic chicken leg accompanying that rice. And this will be cool, if not that the gravy is typically extremely slippery and of course is fully covering the meat that you are so desperately trying to detach from the bone!!

It is just a matter of observation before you discover that your colleagues are all perfectly using the side of the spoon to cut the meat and gently bring it to their mouth. So, it shouldn’t be so complicate right? In the end of the day, etiquette was born in Italy during the Renaissance, and you perfectly know how to behave on the table...!!

Well…good luck! You are going to spend a full meal sweating (and that’s not for the hot of the Equatorial weather nor for the spicy food!) because you are living with the fear of seeing your chicken leg flying from one side to the other of the restaurant while you are trying to cut the meat with something which is obviously not meant to cut! (What a shame you are the only one thinking this in the whole table!!!)

Nasi Ayam Rendang: a meal which will repay you from all the efforts with the spoon!

So, why should I now write a post with the title ‘There is no spoon!’ when actually it should be “There is no knife’?!?!

It is because I want to tell you what happened during the very first meal I had alone, definitely an experience to tell. For the first 3 days I have been in Asia, the most welcoming colleagues I have ever had were taking care of me, and trust me, if you are lucky enough to be accompanied for lunch by an Asian, there is only one clever thing that you can do at the restaurant. Ordering the very same dish he is having! Try not to ask for explanation, or to understand the menu… but copy! Remember that is by imitating their parents that young kids learn how to survive in this world…do the same! It doesn’t matter if you are a 20, a 30 or a 40 years old guy: the first time you get to Asia you are just a kid who needs to discover a new world!

However, as I was telling, after 3 days of loving and caring babysitting by my colleagues, I had to order food on my own…and that has been really a challenge! I perfectly remember I was in a shopping mall in Melaka, Malaysia. As most of the shopping malls in Malaysia, a big area is dedicated to the food court, which means you have different stalls all around with tables and chairs to dine in the middle. And typically the food is Asian style…posh Westerner restaurants have definitely different location….

It must have been the attraction of the unknown, it must have been the thrill of a new experience…I directed myself in the food court that night. And what I have seen reaching there was many people, families, having happily their dinner which was so inviting and yummy. ‘Yes, yes, I made the right choice’ I was thinking looking at the nice dishes people were having ‘Why should I go for westerner food if I can have some of this?’

Yes, sure…but reality can be different from dreams…

Problem number one: which stall to choose? In the list, there was one which seemed interesting, because it was clearly selling noodles…in the end of the day it’s like spaghetti and pasta, right? An Italian cannot be wrong in having pasta, isn’t it?

Problem number two: among the various ‘pastas’ (come on, let me still believe it!), which one to choose? The menu was reporting ‘Curry Mee’ and I perfectly remember what was going on in my mind: ‘Ah ah curry…I like curry!’(Of course during those days I basically didn’t know what curry is). But what does mee mean? Well, nevermind, that should be fine!’

So, I happily ordered my food…but the happiness lasted less than 5 minutes (Stalls serve you incredibly fast..too fast sometimes!) While everybody around me was eating rice or something fried or something so yummy that your mouth is watering, what I was in that moment receiving from the stall owner was an horrible…..soup!!!!

Now:

1)      Soups are eaten by sick people, or old people, and not definitely when you are outside and having yummy food all around!

2)      Soups are eaten in the winter…not in the heat of the equatorial weather!

3)      Most important: sh#%!!!! Why I have always seen yellow curry and this f*&king soup has an horrible brownish-reddish-grayish color!?!?!?

Curry Mee: probably a dish which doesn't exactly meet the Westerner taste...but don't forget to try it however! It is definetely something to tell your friends about!

Ok, ok, wait a minute…take a deep breath! What is your next move now?!

Escape #1: Your hotel has an Italian restaurant inside..run outside the shopping mall, take a taxi and get some real pasta!

Escape#2: The shopping mall is big, and full of McDonald’s, KFC’s, Starbuck’s, … Food here is extremely cheap, and your companies pay for it…so, run downstair and go for a double cheese!

Escape#3: ‘There is no spoon!’ You watched Matrix, right? It is just your mind which builds reality, and the only important thing is how perceive it..And Asia has just started to show how this is true… Sit down, don’t run and twist that spoon!

With that image of the ‘Elected’ in my mind I sat down and bent my spoon…Curry mee is definitely not my favorite dish but I am still alive.

With 2 lessons learnt:

1)      Can’t is a four-letter-word

2)      Goreng means fried in Malay, never forget this if you wanna eat something tasty!

Mee Goreng: don't forget the magic word!!!